Birthdays Suck

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It was raining hard when Lance got off work. It was like buckets of water being dropped from the sky. It had started out as a light drizzle the morning of his twenty fifth birthday and it had just rained harder and harder as the day progressed. It was fitting weather. It matched his increasingly black mood as it became more and more obvious that nobody was going to wish him a happy birthday. Not his coworkers, not his friends, not even his family. He was going to spend his birthday alone. It was a tradition he hadn’t broken once since moving out of his Dads house at seventeen. It was something he’d never really gotten used to and this year it was worse than usual.

His car was parked at the far end of the parking lot, the result of being twenty minutes late to work. The tiny pocket umbrella he kept stored in his desk for emergencies wasn’t doing much against the downpour of rain and kept threatening to turn inside out with each violent gust of wind. Halfway to his car Lance let a particularly violent blast take useless device. It wasn’t protecting him much for the rain coming at him sideways, nor the rain bouncing up from the asphalt anyway.

When Lance finally reached his car he was completely soaked and freezing cold. “Must be my birthday huh Gruntie?” He turned his head slightly to the blue plush cow he hot glued to his dashboard. He got it while serving in Iraq and it rarely failed to bring a smile to his face. His birthday was one of those rare occasions where it routinely failed. “Let’s go get me something to drink and some food and call it a night. The sooner I today ends the better it’ll be.” He started the car and slowly pulled out of the parking lot.

The drive home was normally about thirty minutes but in the near complete darkness and driving rain it took over an hour before he was able to pull into his apartment complex. The covered parking hadn’t seemed so distant from his place in the morning when the rain had been only a slight mist but now that the sidewalks were miniature rivers flowing down towards the parking lot it seemed like it was a mile.

“Tough day?” Lance looked up at his neighbor, Chelsea, staring at her door. She was nearly all the proof a man could ask for of God. She was impossibly built with a fat ass that even her warm parka pants were having a hard time concealing and rack that just didn’t quit. To top it off she had a sexy face, not beautiful, sexy. Bee stung lips perpetually pouting, a petite nose, bright blue eyes. Blonde hair with brown streaks that she always let partially cover her right eye.

“You have no idea.” Lance responded. Normally he would have taken more time to check her out but the only thing he wanted to do was get drunk and pass out.

“Wanna bet?” Chelsea responded.

“Sure why not. If we want to play who’s life is worse I’ll win every time.” He paused in his open door. “I’ll start. I lost my umbrella and I’m soaking wet.”

“I locked myself of the apartment.” She responded.

“I’m going to spend my birthday alone, again.” Lance scowled.

“I got dumped by my boyfriend of six years. Which is why I locked myself out I just had to get out of the house and I forgot the door locks itself.” She forced a half smile onto her face.

“That is a good one. I’m a twenty five year old virgin.” casino şirketleri Lance said dryly.

“You’d win if you weren’t lying.” Chelsea responded.

“Yeah it’d be funny if it weren’t so pathetic. So how you getting back into your place?”

“I called a locksmith. It’ll be a while in this weather though.”

Lance paused for a moment looking at her and then his place. “You wanna come in, you can see you’ll be able to hear when he gets here and I can’t just leave you out in the rain.” Chelsea paused a moment then nodded and let him lead her into his home.

The inside of Lance’s apartment was sparse to the point of being empty. A small table had a single chair arranged beside a table partially covered in school materials, partially covered in maps, dice and other gaming paraphernalia. The center of the table set the stage of a partially painted coach pulled by skeletal horses. Lance closed the door and noticed that Chelsea was staring at his gaming supplies. His legs tried to bolt forward to conceal them but his mind battled them back. “Yeah, if you didn’t already know I’m a geek. Video games, Dungeons and Dragons, Magic the Gathering, Warhammer. . .both versions. No wonder I’m still a fuckin virgin right?”

At first Chelsea didn’t say a word. She just stepped closer to the table careful not to drip water onto the pages. “Did you draw these yourself?” She pulled her wet hair back behind her ears. “And the wagon?”

“It’s a Black Coach, well that one is a custom for a friend who wanted white and blue but yeah I painted it. Some of the maps I drew myself, some of them I found on the internet, they are a lot more work than they are worth sometimes.” It was hard to decide if he was flattered or insulted. Chelsea seemed genuinely interested. She hadn’t looked at him or anything else in the apartment since she’d spotted it and now she was respectfully circling the table not touching a single thing.

Experience had been a harsh teacher over the years though. She wasn’t some girl he’d meet at Pegasus or a friend of a friend who was ready for the shock of meeting a nerd. A real nerd, not the current batch of wannabes that thought that having sat through Lord of the Rings once qualified or that owning a Playstation3 wasn’t mainstream. He’d seen that look before and heard that tone of voice and knew she was just waiting for him to lower his guard and when he did she’d twist the knife. The only problem was somehow she seemed different than the others like maybe she really meant it.

“I’d offer you something to drink but I don’t have a lot here of the nonalcoholic variety. I’ve got milk and orange juice and . . . . Coke. Do you want a Coke?” Lance rummaged through his refrigerator to see if there was anything else hiding behind the various brands and flavors of beer, malt liquor and pitchers of various mixed drinks.

“Nuh I’m good.” Chelsea was bent at the waist to get a better look at a figurine sitting at the edge of the table. She was less than an inch tall but every detail of her face was present. Like the majority of the female figures she was clad in just slightly less than nothing but even her breast plates were detailed enough to show the patterns. “How long does it take to do something like this?”

“A few hours some of the time. You casino firmaları can stop pretending you give a shit. I’m a virgin loser. It stopped being funny in the eighth grade. I also stopped letting it bother me then too so I’ll turn on the television so you have something to keep you busy.” Lance half growled and half snapped.


“What?” Lance’s head snapped up from over the counter with a beer in hand.

“You heard me. Bullshit. You didn’t stop letting it bother you. If you did you’d realize that I’m impressed. My big brother plays DnD. Actually how long have you been playing?” Chelsea stormed around the table snatching the open beer away from him.

“Second edition. Sometime in tenth grade.” Lance retorted. He stared at his beer for a moment but when she took a swig he just reached back for another. “You could have asked.”

“Black book? Funny barbarian with the backwards wrist on the cover?” When Lance nodded she stepped forward pushing her poking her finger into his chest. “So you started with the TSR take over when everybody was panicking about if we were going to suddenly have a Dominara expansion for Magic. Yeah I’ve been playing at least two years longer than you. What about Magic? When did you start playing?”

“Invasion.” Chelsea laughed. “Well at least you started playing while we were still on Dominara. I meet far too many kids who try to impress me by talking about the old days and started playing with Darksteel or something.” She smirked. “I swear to God if you tell me that you started reading comics with something like The Age of Apocalypse I’m just going to punch you and walk outside.”

“What? Why the fuck are you suddenly better than me because you’ve been doing a lot of the things that I’ve been doing longer than me!” Lance shouted.

“Maybe because you thought I was feigning interest in those things. I’ve been painting probably four years longer than you and I don’t paint half as well! I’m sitting here telling you that you are damned good. You should quit your job and E-Bay your figures and you think I’m making fun of you because some fucking cheerleader made fun of you when you were sixteen. So I stick to my statement of bullshit when you try to claim it doesn’t bother you.” Chelsea said stepping closer to him. “But I believe you.” “You believe me now? Why would you believe me now? Finally got a good look?” Lance spat.

Chelsea leaned forward and snatched Lance by his collar hauling him into a fierce kiss. “I’ve been getting a good look for months. You don’t bother to close the blinds when you’re jerking off.” She grabbed his shirt around the waist and yanked it over his head. “The only thing I figured out tonight is why I don’t see women coming and going from your place. It’s because you’re a bitch.” Chelsea didn’t give him any chance to respond before her lips were exploring his shoulders. “You’re good looking. You’re well off. You don’t get laid because you keep snapping at any girl who pays attention to you because back in high school we used to all make fun of you.” She smirked and stepped towards him. “See any guy who wasn’t preoccupied with his insecurities would realize that we are both in your house, dripping wet, needing to get out of our clothes, drinking beer and oh I’ve been leaning over so you can güvenilir casino check out my ass.” There was a long pause. Chelsea’s hands moved to her hips and she stared at him.

“Sorry didn’t mean to stare.” Lance blurted squeezing past her and heading towards his room. “Look I’m gonna get out of these clothes. I don’t have any women’s clothes here but I’m sure I can find a shirt and maybe a pair of sweats.” Chelsea watched in shock as he wove his way into his room.

Once he was out of her sight Lance grumbled and slammed his fist into his bed. “She doesn’t have to tease me, here I am trying to be nice and keep her in out of the rain. I should have just left her in the cold.” He grumbled. He peeled his soaked shirt over his head and slung it into the bathroom then grabbed an old shirt and pair bottoms from some old pajamas and stepped back into his living room. “Holy shit!”

Lance’s jaw dropped when he saw Chelsea had already stripped down to her socks. Her hair was spread out over her face providing a few windows for her dark eyes to stare out at him. “Is this clear enough or do I need to rape you?” Chelsea beckoned him closer with a single digit.

“Whu whu why?” Lance dropped the clothing and stared at her body for a moment. She was . . . well exactly what she was. The girl next door. Nothing about her was perfect enough to win beauty pageants or go to Hollywood. Chelsea instead was real.

“First my boyfriend dumped me so I’m suffering from withdrawal. Two you’re kinda cute and I’ve seen you checking me out before. Specially when I’m at the pool.” Realizing he was frozen in place Chelsea took the initiative and stepped forward. “And I guess as a third there shouldn’t be any virgins as old as you. It’s not healthy.” She leaned onto the tips of her toes and gently kissed him. “Now just relax and try to enjoy yourself.”

Chelsea helped Lance pull his soaked pants and boxers off flinging them to join the rest of his soaked clothing in the bathroom. Then she pushed him down onto the bed. “Wow a good sized on too.” She commented wrapping her fingers around it and squeezing it. “Bigger than my ex anyway.” She crawled over him and guided Lance into her. She hadn’t even sat all the way down when he started to twitch. She froze in place. “Calm down.” She squeezed down tight on his cock watching his face until he relaxed enough that she could get another inch into him. She waited until he stopped twitching and then sat all the way down. “Just get used to it.” Chelsea leaned forward and bit Lance’s lip. “You gonna be okay?” He nodded as much as he could with her teeth holding his lip. “Good.” Slowly she started moving just her slowly up and down the length of his cock.

“Focus, right here.” She kept here eyes locked on his forcing her own moans down. “Just stay with me.” She hissed. Chelsea’s hips were starting to pick up the pace while she spoke to him. “Is it good?” Lance nodded excitedly. “Good. You gotta hold back just a little while longer.” She kept her hips pressed against his pelvis squirming against him trying to force herself to come. She could tell by the look in his eyes that he was only going to last a few more moments. “Hang with me sexy.”

Chelsea lunged forward matching his lips with hers coaxing her orgasm out. It was only a few seconds before Lance pumped his cum into her womb. She rode the sensation as long as she could before collapsing dramatically against his chest and wriggling into a kiss. “If you were that good your first time out I can’t wait until we’ve got you trained.”

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