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A kiss does it every time… Sometimes that’s all I get. We sometimes go diyeta for weeks because he says sex in cars etc. is for kids. He’s a romantic… He’d rather hand feed me butterfly prawns in our favourite restaurant than make love in the car. It’s almost perverse but it works for both of us. I get so excited my ears and nipples tingle, and my pelvic muscles keep tying themselves in knots. He adds new dimensions to the game all the time.

We’re always careful in the office. He shares it with two other people, his friends and also mine but I shouldn’t be there anyhow so it’s strictly social, nothing more. Sitting at his computer he just said “Come and look at this.” Thinking that he was going to show me something on the screen I leant over his shoulder. I nearly wet myself with panic… The centre drawer of his desk was open and sitting in the corner nearest to me was an ivory coloured sex toy. I tried to catch my reflection in the monitor screen to see if I looked as flushed as I felt. He just grinned. For the rest of the afternoon my head swam and my thoughts skipped from one insane scenario to the next involving this vibrating plastic egg.

A couple of hours later, in a corner of the cafeteria, he sat holding my hand under the table. Grinning like a loony he explained the bizarre possibilities. My earlier fantasies of secret pleasures, interrupted by embarrassing discovery, suddenly didn’t seem so bad.

“It’s wireless… remote controlled.” He told me…”Works at up to twenty feet: I’ve tried it.”

I sat there with a lump in my throat, thinking sadly. “Does he not know how awful this gadget makes me feel. Will he be reeeally upset if I throw it away ay? “

Feeling his hand squeezing mine I looked him in the eye and I knew. I’ve seen that look before. It’s his “I love you so much I…” look. I was going to say something discouraging but instead I find myself asking,

“Does it make much noise huh?”

“It’s quite quiet on low settings.”

He says casually, “If you’re sitting on an upholstered chair and you squeeze your thighs together, you probably won’t be able to hear it at all.”

I want to scream. I want to bang my head on the table, I want to say “Noooo!” but my big heart says…”Do it for him… Make him happy…”

On the way back to his office he snogs me tenderly in the lift. His tongue only slightly melts the lump in my throat. For the rest of the week. I imagine a small black cloud hovering above my head raining depressing thoughts onto me. Sniggering waiters with erections… Leah dangling it by its wire. Sadly…”Darling a word…”

I cringe at the thought, remembering the vibrator he bought me last year. Small, svelte, the sort of thing Leah’s childless friends might think chic to leave on their dressing tables. He used it on me once. The night he gave it to me… The very phrase… ‘Gave it to me’. Straight out of the box and into me. Curled up like a baby on the bed with a mouth full of my own knee… Its unexpected sensations would have finished me off anyway even if He hadn’t slid under my thighs and given me the non electric version simultaneously in my rear. Squashed up in a ball, I couldn’t breathe. His mouth on mine sucking the life out of me. His hands on my hips, holding me still, casino şirketleri while he pumped it back in….It was so good I think he came twice. I just came… From the first touch of his warm silky knob, through the bigness as it went in…the aching undulating fullness…”Turok mo! — Tolong!”

To the last quiver as it shrank and slipped out….The waves and arabesques of pleasure just grew… Huge swirling spasms… black velvet… dark red and purple like a melting Kay Nielsen print… I don’t remember going to sleep… Maybe I dreamed of dervishes. I don’t remember….

He woke me at lunch time with fresh orange and a plate of scrambled eggs. He’d washed my little Taiwanese friend and put him back in his plush red box. That afternoon as we lay on the sofa, I looked at it. Held it in my hands for the first time… Small… Smooth… Slender… Quite heavy… I was pleased. If he’d bought a huge one. A ‘Batuta ni Drakula’, I’d have been wounded… literally! but this was just right. Elegant, sexy… A lover’s gift. Inevitably, The kissing got serious, my pyjama top got loosened, namamasa ang puki, my pants slipped a bit, and a bit more… His cock got really hard… My pyjama pants were round my ankles now and he took me back to bed and played with me. That’s exactly the right description. We kissed in the style of people trying to steal each others lunch. If you didn’t have hormones you’d have thrown up watching us! He licked my eyelids, kneaded my breasts until it felt like my nipples were going to take off like little brown rockets. I got that feeling behind the bridge of my nose as if I’m going to sneeze, and I started noticing my pelvic muscles getting restless. My hands started wandering around on their own, but Sunday afternoons have a little magic of their own when they follow Saturday nights which last a long way into Sunday morning. Everything’s slower, more affectionate.

The juices began to ooze and I stopped being acutely aware of having been ravaged only a few hours ago. His mouth and tongue descending over throat and breasts… lingering on one taut teat long enough to make me push him down. He stopped at my belly button sucking, licking. Cradling his head in my arms as he slipped a single finger into me. Slowly, gently… To and fro. Squirming against his knuckles, smooth as oil, I wanted this… just this… a single slick digit lazily roaming my puki sending little sparks of joy up and down my body. Slowly pulling my womb upwards, ripening it for his thrusting cock. By now my little puki’s hot with desire, soft wet coral swelling from the heart of me. Nagwa watir watir ang puki.. Yes. I looked down at him between breasts big with warm sensations. I could’ve scratched him with my nipples now. I laid back, ready for more than his smoothly oozing finger… Thighs brushing his shoulders. Eyelids fluttering… murmuring Ai!… Ai! with every other beat of my heart Ai!… Looking up at me from so far away… he smiled.”Saya sayangkan engkau.”

He said it softly, he says it always. The juice and warmth of me flows like a river. It would be terrible if he didn’t love me… because he knows how to say this so perfectly.”Ai!… Mahal Na Mahal Kita!” It’s not the same…

His tongue already in me as I pull my thighs casino firmaları up against my throbbing breasts. I love the way he kisses me when he’s down between my thighs, gently, roving from thigh to thigh. Slow tongue on the rim of my magic jar… one hand spread on my lower belly pressing rhythmically down.”Aieeee!”

… He tortures me… He could make me come in thirty seconds but he teases… He has his knuckles jammed hard into the furrow of my rear, middle finger sunk deep in me and still his tongue avoids my pearl… I Want it! It… can be the tip of his tongue right…There… Anything… hard… deep… merciful that penetrates the huge hot bubble inside that’s choking me.”‘Tang ‘na…!”

I can’t breathe, my heart’s going to burst and then, holding my wrists so I can’t do anything, he starts blowing raspberries against my thighs and expanding his favourite erotic fantasy… Ronnie Reagan doing Nancy and Linda Ronstadt.(…don’t ask!) Detachable body parts aren’t very erotic and I can’t laugh and come simultaneously… Neither can he but I know him and how to play this game… Shoving him out of the way. I grabbed the most obvious solution… My new lilac plastic toy and turned it on. Zzz… Zzz… Zzz.. I pushed it up…right up inside. Mmm… squeezed my thighs together and said the words we say… And I ate him whole. No delicate, sensuous little blowjob this time. I had the vibrator purring away deep inside and Him deep in my mouth. I threw my head back, mouth wide, gulping it deep, gagging softly, holding my breath; matris deluxe …. Waiting for the taste. He held me tight, one hand on the back of my neck, the other full of hot suso. A second or so ahead of total asphyxiation, I got my mouthful of hot salty magic.

The tenderest, most erotic moment is the second when I’ve got his come in my mouth and I’m deciding whether to swallow or spit. Such possibilities. Swallowing is sublime, serenity itself It nourishes the soul… But… She who spits stylishly, knowingly, is a Jinneè, whose spell is inviolable. If she kisses him and spits it into his mouth he will adore her… He will tenderly place it where she desires… If she spills his seed on the sheets and then wantonly stoops to retrieve it. His cock will be in her before she can say “Fuck me…” That time I settled for serenity… When I came it wasn’t wondrous, just okey.

That evening I put the little red box in my bedside cabinet drawer. In the morning I awoke. Remembered, and hastily relocated it to the bottom drawer of the dresser. Over the next couple of months I used it once or twice but the magic had gone. I must’ve re-hidden it a dozen times before reluctantly, I wrapped it up and slipped it into the bin. I certainly didn’t want to go through all that again.

Saturday evening rolled round at last. The egg now forgotten by me at least, we decided on a cheap meal in our local Satay house, followed by an early and erotic night. A short, fast drive through the traffic later, we were sitting in the darkest corner of the Tiger’s Claw studying the other patrons from behind our menus; no point in even pretending to read the menu itself. Anything other than the three set meals is perpetually; “So sorry, maafkan saya – off, finished.” It doesn’t matter ‘coz no one güvenilir casino in a Malaysian restaurant should ever be in a hurry or particularly hungry. Like most of the other patrons, we’re only here for the dimly-lit, secluded tables and Ziana Zain’s fey songs of troubled love and broken hearts whispering from the sound system. The rice steamed with coconut milk and chicken with lemongrass will be just fine. Gado-gado, Sontong Sambal and fresh fruit salad may even be possible, as it’s Saturday night.

Slowly we went through the pleasantries that pass for service while the waiter stared lasciviously but oh so slyly, at my legs and boobs. I pretended not to notice as he was the one who caught us coming out of the ladies room together a couple of months ago. Pahiya ka ‘no? – Embarrassing didn’t quite cover it! I couldn’t help smiling; wondering what he said to the others.

My True Love and I passed the inevitable twenty minutes before the food arrived, whispering sweet nothings and playing footsie under the table. That night the staff were busy with several groups of noisy engineering students as well as the usual amorous couples with no money and nowhere to go so we were undisturbed in our shady corner. By the time we’d begun to eat, I was already moist with anticipation of the night ahead. When he told me, brushing a ginger glazed squid tentacle across my lips, that he had it in his pocket, I shuddered slightly, no longer repelled, just embarrassed… Imagining him pressing the egg into my hand. That’s how he’d do it… Pull my head against his chest, gaze into my eyes, squeezing my hand around it and whisper softly…

He put his arm round my waist, dipped the squid into the hottest sambal and pushed it into my mouth. Resting against his shoulder, my mouth full of searing chili, I felt for his cock, squeezing it so he’d know… He smiled, took the control from his pocket and put it on my lap. I didn’t care. The Tiger’s claw’s one of my favourite places, but there are other restaurants – I really didn’t care. Several people were already stealing furtive glances at us as I closed my eyes. He kissed me very tenderly. He hates the taste of squid… I thought gleefully about spitting it into his mouth. Twisting my ankles, squeezing my thighs together I felt close, very close. His lips on my hair, he held the glass of mineral water to my lips and, as I sipped, awkwardly… he stroked my neck, cupped my breast and squeezing it gently, whispered,

“Gusto kitang kantutin… I wanna fuck you bigtaim.”

Tipping the glass so I nearly choked… A huge warm hand squeezed me below the table.. I hugged myself, shuddering… It gripped me….the way he does… The joy of it rolled over me like a wave… High tide in coral cove. Snuggled against him, gasping, blushing… Face buried in his shoulder… I’m falling to bits…

He’s smug, so pleased with himself… Anak haram!!! He spoon feeds me Halo- Halo… Still glowing with mingled desire and discomposure I lay my head on his shoulder, my mouth full of chilled fruit and condensed milk while he dangles a thread of Macapuno coconut string above my lips, laughing…

“Of course everyone saw you…” He whispers. “You’re the cabaret. Walang hiya ka… so shameless you”

Later, after we’ve walked, pa swing-swing pa, the three hundred yards to where his ancient and thuggish Jaguar is parked, he tells me cheerfully that he may have left the egg thing in the restaurant. “Aieee… How can he do…*This*…to me over and over again…”

~~~ July ’97 ~~~

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